His Mercies Never Cease…
"The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases. His mercies never come to an end. They are new every morning. Great is your faithfulness."
-Lamentations 3:22-23
How are we doing?
Many people have reached out to ask how we are doing as we process the sadness of a failed match. Everyone has been gracious about not bombarding us but by reaching out in simple ways to let us know they are with us. Thank you all! So here is an update:
The past few days have been hard, but between the feelings of hurt and anger, we know there is no amount of information that will satisfy our questions or give us any more answers, so we simply aren't asking. We will never understand why they chose to run away and leave only a note behind, why their car was destroyed prior, or where they are now.
Looking back, I remember that from the very beginning, we had many unanswered questions. The circumstances surrounding how they decided to move forward with an adoption plan was strange, and we will never know the events surrounding how they ended up in Utah in the first place. Apparently, baby boy's birth parents were on their way from California to a nearby state and stopped off in Vegas, or maybe it was on the way, where they were robbed and lost all their money and possessions. They then started living in their car, and when they ended up in a Walmart parking lot in Utah, they met another woman who had worked with our agency to have her child adopted and "given a chance for a more stable life" She told them how great her experience was, so baby boy’s birth parents contacted the agency. The rest of the story, you probably know. They picked us out of 40 profiles, and we got our first match on November 10th. To say we were excited is an understatement. At first, we were wary of celebrating because the fear of a failed match always crosses your mind at some point. But as we neared the end of this waiting period and baby boy's due date, we decided we needed to start preparing our home and buying the essentials (and some fun stuff too). I even had his suitcase already packed and his nursery finally complete as we hung up his bookshelves.
The sadness of that room is becoming more real every day as it sits empty. And I am left wondering why I prepared my coworkers for maternity leave, why we had to cancel flights, accommodations, and our plans to bring home this precious baby boy. Why did we have to be the ones to go through a failed match after all we have been through already…but then Lamentations 3:22-23 came to mind, specifically "His mercies never come to an end" I am reminded that I may never know the answers to these questions, or maybe God will reveal them to us in time. Still, no matter what, His mercies NEVER cease. He will keep us and guide us through this ugly time of heartache and pain. Today I am looking forward to our next match, not to the stress that is sifting through cases, but to the end result. To the day when we finally get to call that child ours, the child God has prepared for us, that he has ordained to grow up in our loving home.
Please keep us in your prayers as we move forward. As we are stuck in yet another painful "waiting" period, it will be hard but not unbearable. People like you who have reached out to tell us your stories have made us feel less alone and have made this situation more bearable. We are praying for you too, for your loss and heartache, but also your joys. For those of you who are finally expecting a child after years of infertility or those, who like us, have matched and are waiting to bring your child home, we celebrate with you! We know when our time comes, you will celebrate with us. I thank God for every one of you; we are blessed to be surrounded by a mighty community of family and friends.
With love,
Tiffany and Aaron
