Finding Rest

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls." Matthew 11:28-29

Over the past year, the call to rest in Jesus has not come easy. I have often failed to rest in the Lord with the burden of infertility and the weariness of this adoption journey, but this only led me to suffer from severe anxiety, anger, and discouragement. Thankfully, during this time of feeling weary and burdened, the Lord has shown me that his will for our lives is better than anything we could ever imagine. And God has taught me that the only way to find rest amid life's challenges is to bring my burdens before him, especially when we feel tired and beaten down. After a long battle with infertility and a year of being active, God tremendously blessed us with our first child, our precious son Emmett was born on March 9, 2021.

Before we go further, let me pause for a moment of candidness. My human mind, the part of me that can't understand the immensity of our perfect and sovereign God, selfishly wants to say… "It is about gosh darn time!! Why didn't we deserve this earlier?" And at the same time, the Holy Spirit reassures me of what I already know. God was not punishing us or making us wait out of some ill intent. He was doing what was best for our family, and he already had every detail orchestrated. Even though it definitely wasn't my plan to become a mom at 34, I was thinking more like 28, maybe 30, at the latest. And if I'm completely honest, I am still working on bringing my fears and anxieties before the Lord and getting the rest I need instead of trying to do it on my own. And I can't say that this answer to prayer has wholly cured my anxiety or taken away all my anger, but I can say that I feel like I am on the mend, and becoming a mom has brought me such immense joy! So here's the story of how all our dreams to build our family "finally" came true:

If you do not know already, we were rematched and came home with our baby boy in a seven-day whirlwind of events. The day after baby boy was born, March 10, I missed a call from a caseworker at a women's medical clinic here in town. I was in utter disbelief as I listened to her voicemail. She explained that two people had given her our names as an adopting couple and that there was a baby boy, born yesterday, whose birth mother was looking for a family to adopt him. Of course, I called her back immediately and told her, yes, we were interested in presenting our profile book to this birth mom. So I called our consultant to make sure that was ok with them since it wasn't one of their agencies, and of course, they were ecstatic and very supportive of us moving forward with what would end up being a private adoption. The women's clinic's caseworker told me not to get my hopes up yet because we were one of three couples the mom would be considering. The caseworker called me later and said, "if it makes you feel any better, you are the only family with a profile book to show," which, of course, it did, so I immediately texted everyone to start praying. Thursday morning, March 11, we found out the birth mom had chosen us! But we were warned again not to get too excited or "do anything drastic" because birth mom would have five days to change her mind even after signing relinquishment papers. So Emmett stayed in the hospital without us for five days (those were the longest days of our lives). The NICU doctor and nurses took great care of him while we couldn't be with him, and of course, spoiled him with lots of cuddles and attention. Emmett was born at 35 weeks and weighed 5 lbs 14 oz, so he needed a little extra care. Thankfully by Monday night, the caseworker felt like we were close enough to the five-day mark (Tuesday was day five), and she let us know that the doctor would like us to "room in" with baby boy at the hospital on Monday night. So we spend Monday filling out paperwork with our lawyer, and at 4:00 pm, we made our way to the hospital, where we would meet Emmett for the first time. I have always been a little anxious about the first meeting because I wasn't sure how I would feel. This baby didn't come from my body; we hadn't bonded in any way, but when they wheeled him through that door in his little crib, all those anxieties melted away, and I knew, at that moment, we had already bonded. It was love at first sight! We spend the next day in the hospital waiting for the doctors to discharge him, and we were able to leave Tuesday evening around 6:00 pm with our son in our arms, and the rest is history. We have loved every minute of him being home with us and watching him grow. He has already gained two pounds and is doing great and showing no signs of slowing down or being behind the curve developmentally even though he was born prematurely. He still fits in his preemie clothes and diapers, but we are on our way to sizing up to newborn clothes. It has been a wild ride and the most incredible adventure. Emmett's finalization hearing, where he becomes ours legally forever, will be later this month.

In the past two weeks, I have come to find the rest I so desperately sought during this time of waiting on the Lord, even while being sleep deprived. Every day I'm getting better at bringing my anxieties before the Lord. And there are a lot that come with caring for a newborn. I hope our story helps you on your journey to laying your burdens before Jesus and letting him carry you when you feel weary. There is no better rest than resting in the Lord.

Thank you all for coming along on this journey with us! Thank you so much for your prayers, love, and support. Thank you for bringing us meals and checking in with us to see how Emmett is doing. We still have funds that have stayed with the agency we had our failed match with, and in the next year, we plan to be working towards adoption number two. We are so excited to get to know Emmett and spend time just with him, but we also can't wait to continue growing our family. Please continue to pray for us as we learn to be good parents and as we think towards the future and what comes next for continuing to grow our family.

Love,

Tiffany and Aaron Blackmon